(un)sure

How do you ground yourself in who you are as a dear created child of God?

John 20:3-9

Then Peter and the other disciple set out and went toward the tomb. The two were running together, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent down to look in and saw the linen wrappings lying there, but he did not go in. Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb. He saw the linen wrappings lying there, and the cloth that had been on Jesus’s head, not lying with the linen wrappings but rolled up in a place by itself. Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed, for as yet they did not understand the scripture, that he must rise from the dead.

Here is a portrait of two disciples, racing to the resurrection they do not yet comprehend, their hearts pounding as they arrive at an empty tomb. Can you see it? Can you feel it in your body? The one disciple reaches the tomb and stops short. What keeps him from entering - fear, uncertainty, timidity? This is a pivotal moment of faith and change, and yet he remains at the threshold, uncertain, quiet. Simon Peter barges in on the scene with his usual abrupt and unreserved fashion; he enters the experience of transformation.

I relate to this moment, I can feel the experience of the disciple standing to the side, observing, unsure. Oftentimes, I shame myself for my timidity, where I am unsure of myself and my place in a new setting. “Just do something already! Figure it out! Be more brave. Take a step. Why do you have such little faith?” Unsurprisingly, this is unhelpful.

Simon Peter has access to something else, in his body, in his being, that allows him to leap into the transforming moment.

How do you ground yourself in who you are as a dear created child of God, so that you remember the ground on which you are taking your steps of faith?

— Theo Isoz

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