Conflict in Community

What are your patterns in conflict to avoid accountability?

Genesis 45:4-5

Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come closer to me.” And they came closer. He said, “I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life."

This passage feels out of reach to me. For people who have done me harm, I cannot face them with this kind of grace. I don’t know what to do with the fact that his brothers legit sold him and Joseph sees them and responds, “Don’t be distressed or angry with yourselves….”

No. I don’t have that in me right now. And I wouldn’t ask anyone else in Joseph’s position to forgive someone, either. It gets a little too close to toxic forgiveness or icky “everything happens for a reason” messages.

But I have been navigating my own conflicts lately, and I have been wondering what is our calling as Christ followers to search for restoration in our relationships. How are our spiritual communities working toward accountability? How are we engaging in ethical conflict instead of policing people and pushing them out?

What are your early messages in conflict? What are your patterns in conflict to avoid accountability?

— Theo Isoz