bless this mess
It’s near impossible to be simultaneously curious and angry. What’s one thing you want to try the next time your anger bubbles to the surface? What cue will you use to kick off this new release?
Romans 12: 14-15
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.
Here’s the thing, I really don’t want to.
I don’t want to bless those who persecute me. I don’t want to hold back on my curses.
I want them to feel the weight of my displeasure. I want them to curdle under visceral linguistic attacks.
And, as much as I want them to feel the pain I feel, I’ll probably never say it to them. So, all that venom and vigor gets turned inward. The words get rolled around in this hard-headed skull of mine. Echoing between my ears, tensing my muscles and making my breath shallow.
The curses I want them to feel become my own prison. I say it’s for accountability, but really, it’s about making them feel the pain I feel.
It’s hard to rejoice in that head space. It’s hard to have empathy and weep with others when I’m blocked by this anger. It’s to be free, creative, and curious when you’re angry.
It’s near impossible to be simultaneously curious and angry. What’s one thing you want to try the next time your anger bubbles to the surface? What cue will you use to kick off this new release?
— Jason Whitehead
The hard part is that it as much for us as it is for them. Being angry let's someone live, rent free, among our limited ability to pay attention to the world. There is something to phrase, like water off a ducks back that rings true for these moments and situations.
I recently had a moment where my anger toward another was so immense that I felt surprise.
Typically, I go into shutdown mode when I'm angry. I separate myself from the person and situation so I can take a breather.
Thankfully when I experienced my recent anger, I didn't need to separate myself from the person or situation because they live far away and I didn't have to deal with them. But now, after the fact, I can evaluate what I want to go differently the next time. I'd like to explore the feeling more and reflect on things, perhaps through journaling.